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Reaching for Relevance

I’m really considering a significant change.  More and more I realize how very much out of style I am at 64.  After all, we keep hearing how we need to keep up with the times in which we live.  So, here are some of my proposals that I really think will make me more relevant in this generation.

I think I am going to buy some tight-legged and tight-fitting jeans with a rolled up cuff at the bottom.  There is just something about those jeans that make everyone sit mesmerized wondering “how” one gets them on or off and that is the first step to getting a crowd’s attention.

Then, I think several “slim cut” tee shirts will better reflect the new “me”.  After all, it has taken 64 years to get “in the shape” I’m in!  I should not be ashamed of my “wide” body since we have jets that are called “luxury wide body jets”.  And, the mantra of this generation is that we should be proud of our body.  So surely, I will be a hit when my well-rounded girth appears abundantly filling a cotton tee on the platform.

Shoes are going to be the biggest investment.  I can’t just wear any tennis shoes. I have to go designer and most of those cost more than the set of tires on my car.  It is important to select the shoe before going to the bank for a loan.  They need to be worn with distinction and nothing shouts fashion like someone’s name or logo on a person’s over-priced shoes.

And, my hair….I can’t decide whether to keep it or shave it off.  Both options have real possibilities.  If I shave my head, I can tattoo my church’s logo on my scalp to be a walking billboard.  And, if I keep it, I could dye my hair some very bright shade to attract attention to “me”.  After all, it is important that I am not ignored when out among the people.

The last decision is whether to get a nose ring, or a tongue piercing.  If I got the nose ring, I could put a four spiritual laws track clipped to the obvious ring for easy reference.  The tongue piercing would look really good reflecting the spotlights during my preaching times.  I really must make a wise choice on this item…..

Once I make these changes, I know our church will have many more guests. It is much better to be relevant than look like one is hopelessly resistant to being progressive.  Just think how many “relevant” 64 year olds dress like they were 18 so that they can relate.  Consider how many churches seek to be “acceptable” to today’s perversions so that they appear to be progressive. And, just consider how many will be lost forever in eternity from being “accepted” and affirmed by a church in their active sinfulness rather than hearing the preacher proclaim the clear message, “Except you repent, you shall all likewise perish”.

“People have re-cut their clothes to follow the fashion…People have remodeled their ideas too — taken in their convictions a little at the waist, shortened the sleeves of their resolve, and fitted themselves out in a new intellectual ensemble copied from a smart design out of the very latest page of history.” When slavery to fashion invades the church, our latest ideas are yesterday’s fads. We adopt the world’s agenda — just a few years too late. Many churchmen today sport theological bell-bottoms.   (Charles Colson, Against the Night).