I Feel So Inadequate
Do you ever struggle with your identity? Do you experience the fear of being unsuccessful, not accepted, or ridiculed? Many people do. I found this article and wanted to share it with you.
“I had always been shy and self-conscious, controlled by what my peers thought (or might have thought), but I never considered it seriously until the day of the awards assembly. I was up for an award, and I was scared to death I would get it!
“The auditorium bulged with over two thousand high-school juniors and seniors. From the back, where I like to sit, it seemed a good mile or two up to the platform. All I could think of was what my classmates would think of me while I walked to the front. Would I walk funny? Would I trip going up the stairs? Would one person — I prayed it would not be a girl I liked — think I was a jerk? What about those who were also nominated or who thought they were deserving? What would they think of me if I won instead of them? What would I ever say for a brief acceptance speech? ‘God, please don’t let me get this!’ I prayed.
“After a number of lesser awards were announced, the vice principal went to the podium to introduce the winner. He began with a short, somewhat cryptic biographical sketch. It did not sound exactly like me, but it was generic enough to fit. I was starting to sweat, but I sat motionless for fear that someone would think I was getting interested. Finally the announcement came: ‘And the winner of this year’s senior award is…Rick Wilson.
“Rick Wilson! I could not believe it! Of all people. No one even thought he was a candidate!
“You can imagine my reaction. Relief? No way. I felt like a total failure. Now what would people think of me? They knew I was up for the award, and someone else was chosen. What a loser I was.
“Immediately my mind began spinning out justifications. If I had worked at all this year, I would have won. I certainly had the potential, I just didn’t want to win. I’m a late bloomer; when I get to college, I will show them. I was ashamed to go back to class. Pitiful, isn’t it?”
Dr. Welch describes well the deceit of the heart. Many fear success, for it would put us on display; yet we also fear failure, for then we are shown to be less wonderful than we had hoped. The Bible mentions often this heart-struggle. Almost 600 verses contain the word, “fear” and related synonyms. One of the profound comments comes through the prophet Isaiah: “And the ransomed of the LORD shall return and come to Zion with singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away. [So God promises to restore and revive his people, to protect and deliver them. Then he says,] ‘I, I am he who comforts you; who are you that you are afraid of man who dies, of the son of man who is made like grass, and have forgotten the LORD, your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth?'” (Isaiah 51.11-13). (Copied).