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Do You Speak English?

Does it seem that we are having more difficulty than ever trying to communicate in the English language?  Even folks born in this country talk as if English was their second language.  Our lack of good grammar, the use of a word that “sounds like” the one we meant but has a different meaning, or our efforts to describe something that happened to us. I know that auto mechanics must grow amused (or confused) as we try to describe what is going wrong with a car’s engine.  Or how about a husband that does not know his wife’s jean’s size and wants to get her a pair for her birthday. That can get him seriously injured when the gift is opened if he goes “too big” in his guesstimate!

Can you imagine what police officers and insurance agents have to unravel in reports of accidents that they are given?

According to a UPI news item, the Metropolitan Insurance Company received some unusual explanations for accidents from its automobile policyholders. The following are just few: 

“An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished.” 

“The other car collided with mine without warning me of its intention.” 

“I had been driving my car for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had the accident.” 

“As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.” 

“I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.” 

“The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.” 

“The telephone pole was approaching fast. I attempted to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.” 

“The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.” 

“The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”

And, this one is one of my favorites….A woman’s red car was crushed by an elephant at a circus. The owners of the animal apologized, explaining that the animal, for some reason, simply liked to sit on red cars. In spite of the damage, the woman’s car was still drivable. But on the way to the garage she was stopped short by an accident involving two other cars just ahead of her. When the ambulance arrived a few minutes later the attendants took one look at her car, then ran over to assist her. “Oh, I wasn’t involved in this accident,” she explained. “An elephant sat on my car.” The ambulance attendants quickly bundled her off to the hospital for possible shock and head injuries, despite the lady’s vehement protests. 

Be careful driving this Thanksgiving holiday.  These folks are still on the road!