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“SO HOW IS YOUR MARRIAGE?”

When a couple asked a pastor if he would perform their marriage ceremony, he proceeded to tell them that he likes to give several sessions of premarital counseling before performing weddings. To which they replied, “We don’t need counseling. We’ve both been married several times before.”

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A husband read an article to his wife about how women use 30,000 words a day to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, “That’s because we have to repeat everything to men.” The husband turned to his wife and said, “What?”

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The pastor and his wife knew they had made a mistake by agreeing to counsel with Mrs. Smith when she opened their first session by saying, “I want to thank you for seeing me, especially since my husband said he’d kill anybody that I talked to about our problems.”

——————————————————————————————————————–A married couple had a quarrel and ended up giving each other the silent treatment. Two days into their mute argument, the man realized he needed his wife’s help. In order to catch a flight to Chicago for a business meeting, he had to get up at 5 a.m. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5 a.m.” The next morning the man woke up only to discover his wife was already out of bed, it was 9 a.m., and his flight had long since departed. He was about to find his wife and demand an answer for her failings when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. He read, “It’s 5 a.m. Wake up.” 

—————————————————————————————————————————————–Commuter to seatmate: “Actually, my mother-in-law and I have a lot in common. We both wish my wife had married someone else.” 

—————————————————————————————————————————————-John Wesley, along with his brother Charles, were the founders of the Methodist movement in Christianity.  The influence of his life and preaching has touched millions of people.  Sadly, his married life was most unpleasant. Here is just a glimpse of his home life.

While crossing a bridge in London, John Wesley stumbled and sprained his ankle. Some friends carried him to the house of Mrs. Mary Vazielle on Threadneedle Street. She was a widow with several children. She cared for Wesley and his response to her concern was to ask her to marry him. If we were writing fiction we might say that the sprained ankle was God’s providential way to bring those people together. But the marriage was a disaster, and Mary finally left John. 

Had Wesley consulted with his brother Charles, and asked for the prayers of the brethren, he might have avoided that unfortunate situation. Mary was accustomed to her quiet home, and it was difficult for her to travel with her husband and stay in uncomfortable inns. It is unfortunate that Mary was not content just to ignore John’s ministry; she actually opposed it. She gave certain personal letters to his enemies and even made additions to them that made them worse! Once she even pulled her husband around on the floor by his hair! “I felt as though I could have knocked the soul out of her!” one of Wesley’s friends said. Wesley concluded that his unhappy marriage encouraged him to work harder and not complain about missing the comforts of a home. Certainly, it encouraged him to be away from home more! (Warren Wiersbe, Wycliffe Handbook of Preaching and Preachers, Moody Press, 1984, p. 246.