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Open Mouth – Insert Foot

Do you remember the old saying, “The only time I open my mouth is to change feet?”  Sometimes I stick my foot in my mouth so often that all I taste for days is shoe polish! I don’t set out in the morning to see how many times I can say something that is meaningless, has no connection with the conversation in progress, or use a word that sounds like the word I meant to say, but use another word that has a totally different meaning.

Evidently, speaking without thinking is a universal problem.  Solomon surely did give lots of time to that issue in the Proverbs.

Proverbs 15: 1 – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but hard words stir up anger.”

Proverbs 15:4 – “Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”

Proverbs 16:24 – “Kind words are like honey–sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”

Proverbs 18:4 – “A person’s words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook.”

Proverbs 20:15 – “Wise speech is rarer and more valuable than gold and rubies.”

A man working in the produce department was asked by a lady if she could buy half a head of lettuce. He replied, “Half a head? Are you serious? God grows these in whole heads and that’s how we sell them!” 

“You mean,” she persisted, “that after all the years I’ve shopped here, you won’t sell me half-a-head of lettuce?”  

“Look,” he said, “If you like I’ll ask the manager.” 

She indicated that would be appreciated, so the young man marched to the front of the store. “You won’t believe this, but there’s a lame-braided idiot of a lady back there who wants to know if she can buy half-a-head of lettuce.” 

He noticed the manager gesturing and turned around to see the lady standing behind him, obviously having followed him to the front of the store. “And this nice lady was wondering if she could buy the other half” he concluded.  

Later in the day the manager cornered the young man and said, “That was the finest example of thinking on your feet I’ve ever seen! Where did you learn that?”  

“I grew up in Grand Rapids, and if you know anything about Grand Rapids, you know that it’s known for its great hockey teams and its ugly women.”

The manager’s face flushed, and he interrupted, “My wife is from Grand Rapids!”

“And which hockey team did she play for?”   (Copied).