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How do you know if you ate too much food on Thanksgiving?

The doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.

You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth’s axis.

Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the LAZY-Boy.

You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail.

You set off 3 seismographs on your morning jog Friday.

Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy.

Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice. (Copied).


And, for those of you who burned the turkey to the point of looking like charcoal….

Salmonella won’t be a concern

No one will overeat.

Uninvited guests will think twice next year.

Pets won’t pester you for scraps.

The smoke alarm was due for a test.

You’ll get to the desserts quicker.

You won’t have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches. 

(Source: Craig Boldman and Pete Matthews, authors of Every Excuse in the Book: 714 Ways to Say “It’s Not My Fault.”).

Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother’s kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal. ‘What are you doing?’ Simon enquired. ‘Oh, I’m just stuffing the turkey,’ his grandmother replied. ‘Wow, that’s cool.’ Simon remarked. ‘Are you going to hang it next to the deer?” (Copied).

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’ The stock boy answered, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead.’   (Copied).


Jolene was only 8 years old and lived with family in the country with her parents and brother.  Consequently, they did not often have visitors from the city.  One day Jolene’s mother said that father was bringing two guests home for Thanksgiving supper.

After they had enjoyed the turkey, Jolene went to the kitchen to help her mother, and proudly brought in the first piece of pumpkin pie and gave it to her father.  He then passed the plate to a guest.  When Jolene came in with the second piece and gave it to his father, he again gave it to a guest.

This was too much for Little Jolene, who blurted out, ‘It’s no use, Daddy. The pieces are all the same size.’  (Copied).